Feel
by BlackRoseThorne
Summary: Why do you say things we both know you can't mean? A confrontation atop Memory Skyscraper. First finished fic in many moons.


**Super Uber Long Authors Note/Mini Rant: **Okeydokey. So...I was trying to write the third chapter of The Story That Does Not Yet Have a Title, (really, I was!) and found it wasn't flowing like I wanted it to. Well, it was flowing, just...not going anywhere. So...we're putting that on hold for a while. However, with summer break finally here, hopefully I can make it happen! Okay, so the fic I was working on just wasn't cooperating and I was, like, _dying_ of writer's block, so I decided to start something new. Actually, I was trying to get ready for school one morning a couple of weeks ago, and a plot bunny the size of a grizzly engulfed my head. Seriously, the thing just...swallowed my brain. I wrote in a notebook for Pete's sake! I hate actually writing with a pencil...it gets so messy. But I did and I was so desperate to get the fic down that I wrote on the bus, which I hate cuz it's frustrating and my handwriting is crappy enough as it is and...yeah. So I started a new fic...Sora and the gang are in high school! and well...that one (after about 12 pages) started to read like crap. But I was working on it! And then at 12:43 am on the following Monday, another plot bunny bit me (they're vicious little devils, I tell you! VICIOUS!). So I started writing. And I was really liking this one and was thinking 'Okay, this is good. Just a short four page AkuRoku fic.' And how long is it you ask? TWENTY-FIVE FREAKING PAGES, DAMMIT! It ran away with me and I can't make it stop...it just won't end! Well...that was several weeks ago. The final Monday of the school year and the last day before finals, I have done literally nothing all day. I'm very frustrated with my fics right now, and the plot bunnies have been officially banished from my brain! TAKE THAT, EVIL PINK BUNNIES OF DOOOM! Well, plot bunnies don't take well to being banished, and so one decided to bite me, but gently this time. I flipped the the fourth to last page of my notebook and told myself that I **would **make a fic fit in this space. And I did! And here you have my first completed AkuRoku fic, and the least AU thing I've ever written. My people, I give you...**FEEL.**

**Dedications: **Mostly the usual...my dear Snick and my lovely, _lovely _reviewers! But today we have a new addition: Fushica! Thanks for reading my fics at Graduation, you pushed me to continue working on them. This one's been finished a while, but I couldn't get on the fucking computer!

**Warnings: **Slashy goodness, as always. A bit more fervent swearing in this one. My recent fics have been a lot dirtier and contain many more expletives.

Feel

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"I love you, Rox."

"Shut up."

"I love you..."

"Axel, stop it."

"...from the bottom of my heart."

"We don't fucking have hearts, so just cut it out!"

Roxas stood from where he had been dangling his legs off the edge of Memory Skyscraper and turned to face Axel.

"Why do you say things we both know you can't mean? Are you trying to manipulate me? What the fuck kind of sick pleasure do you get from doing this?!"

"Roxas, look at me."

Ice blue met emerald of their own volition and Axel took a step closer.

"No matter what you do, what you say, what you think-no matter what the Superior tells you-I will always love you."

With that he pulled Roxas' small form tightly to his chest. Roxas fought to pull himself from the older Nobody's grip, but found himself trapped. He resorted to beating his fists repeatedly against Axel's chest.

"LIAR!" His throat burned from screaming so loudly. "Stop it! Why are you doing this?" he shouted desperately, still pounding his fists against the redhead. Then with one last burst of energy, he shouted, "I HATE YOU!"

"I hate you," he repeated weakly, falling limp in Axel's arms from exhaustion. He fisted the front of Axels coat, clinging to the last thing that felt solid. "I hate you. Why do you do this to me? I hate you. It's not fair. I hate you..." he murmured as he proceeded to do something most in the Organization thought impossible: he cried.

Axel brought one hand up from Roxas' waist to thread his gloved fingers through blonde locks. He rested a cheek against Roxas' soft hair.

"Why do you say things we both know you can't mean?" he asked, repeating Roxas' words. He curled a finger under Roxas; chin, forcing the young Nobody to look him in the eye.

"Rox, I can't make you return my feelings, but I _will _make you believe me..."

Something in Roxas' chest fluttered as Axel's face grew ever closer to his own. And as their lips met, liquid warmth spread through his body, originating from where his heart would be if he had one. And before Roxas could ponder this...feeling...further, he found himself responding to Axel's kiss, hooking his arms behind the man's neck and pulling him down to force the two closer.

He pressed himself closer to Axel, and just as he was about to deepen the kiss, he felt the sensation in his chest cavity escape through his open mouth as Axel pulled away from him. Though a good foot of space separated them, Axel kept one hand loosely on Roxas' waist and the other clasped to the boy's shoulder. The taller man leaned forward so that they were eye lever, faces very close once more.

"I don't know if you felt that, but I _know _you could tell I did. I _felt _that, Rox. Maybe it's not possible, maybe they're not emotions like a Somebody could feel, but their _real_, and you are the only person in this whole fucking world who can do this to me!" Axel's eyes were wide and his hands gripped tighter to Roxas, though he still kept the distance between them. "You think it's not fair to _you_? Think how fucking pathetic _I _feel."

Roxas simply stared at Axel with still-leaking eyes. Then they narrowed and his brow furrowed as he quirked his head to the side. He took a step closer and put his hands up as Axel, too, stepped forward.

"Don't move," he said. He ignored the question on Axel's face and braced his hands against the man's chest, listening intently.

For a moment, all Roxas could hear was the soft whooshing sound of air in Axel's lungs as he breathed erratically. Roxas frowned, glancing up into Axel's confused green eyes.

"Take deep, slow breaths," he ordered. Axel nodded and the whooshing sound quieted considerably. Roxas' eyes widened. _There_. Just under the sound of Axel's now calm breathing, was a quiet, steady beating. Roxas gasped and wrapped an arm around Axel's waist, trying to get closer to the soft sound. He heard the tempo pick up and decided to experiment. He placed his other arm around Axels' waist and squeezed tightly, nuzzling his head into the redheads chest. When Roxas heard the soft beat grow louder and faster, he couldn't choose between laughing and crying, so he did both.

Roxas stepped back and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, smiling and sniffling. He looked at Axel with joy and wonderment.

"Well how did that get there?" His laugh shook as he continued to cry.

Axel smiled softly and grabbed the boy again. This time he was met with no resistance. He wrapped on arm around Roxas' waist, the other around his shoulders, pulling the boy as close to himself as he could. Tears ran down his own cheeks as he hugged the blonde tightly.

"You put it there, Roxas. It was you. I love you, Roxas."

Roxas pulled back slightly, his blue eyes shining in the neon lights of The World That Never Was as he looked up at Axel. A light blush dusted his cheeks.

"I love you, too, Axel." And he meant it. He actually meant it.

Roxas stepped back in surprise as Axel released him and got down on his knees. Axel simply held his arms out and beckoned the boy back into them. When Roxas moved closer, Axel held him close and put an ear to his leather-clad chest. The world was still as Axel listened, save for the ever-present rain that plagued the silent city.

Axel let out a breath and smiled up at Roxas. He reached for the boy's hand and placed it on his chest and sat back on his heels, watching Roxas closely. Roxas stopped breathing when he felt a gentle thumping against his ribs, and the tears started anew.

Axel pulled Roxas down into his lap, holding him tightly and peppering his face with tender kisses. He tried to kiss the tears away, but when he found he could not, he settled for pressing his lips against Roxas' own, sealing them together.

It seemed that all they'd needed to do to get their hearts back...was to let themselves feel.

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Sooooooo...has all my blood, sweat, and tears paid off? Reviewers get my gratitude (which is not something I hand out often, as I'm told I'm an ungrateful little thing) and, um...stickers! Yeah that's it, stickers. On a random note: TRIX ARE NO LONGER SHAPED LIKE FRUIT, IT'S THE END OF THE WOOOOOOORRRRRRLLLLLLLDD!!!!! **Now press the pretty blue-ish button and make a fangirl happy.**


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